When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
