so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
