Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
