The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
