The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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