Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
