Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
