Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were destined to go to rehab together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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