Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize