If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
