I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
