I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
