Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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