I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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