brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
