would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
