In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
