insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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