So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
