I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
