That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
