with your own penis?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
