If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
