I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
