Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize