you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
