he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize