Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
