Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
