he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
