If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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