He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
