I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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