'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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