Jerry, you need to find god
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
