i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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