Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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