Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
