Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
