Sober January is a disaster.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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