mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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