It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
