My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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