You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
