I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's Friday. Sex?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
