All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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