I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
