so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
