my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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