I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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