I puked a lego.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
