I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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