This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
