I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
