do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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