he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
