drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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