I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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