last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
