Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
