The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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