You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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