I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
