dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
